Things My Beard Can Lift

How about a fryer chicken? It is easy to get it the right weight (just go to the butcher and order a seven pounder) and you can the smother it in sauce and cook it after you lift it (it is multi-purpose; how many seven pound things can you do that with, huh?)!

I think you should lift it by the wings! No one eats the skinny part anyway and it will give a better “effect”!

How about a wicker basket containing 7 pounds of eggs? (or like however many pounds of eggs to make the basket + eggs = 7 lbs)

A human head.

I could lend you a seven-pound stripey kitty. He won’t wiggle too much!

A chicken would be awfully messy. How about a newborn?

A seven pound sack of taters.

A seven pound pork roast. Cooked or uncooked.

Cat! Cat! Cat!
Extra points if it is in a pillow case, and claws its way out while attached to your beard.

I vote for a 7 pound assorted grilled meat platter

Can you find a 7 lb baby that can hold on tight?

When you get to $1000 I’ve got a cat that will make his home in your beard. Add $1600 and I’ve got a cat that will get him out…

I think the human head tips the scales at 8lbs@Riley

Rod Blagojevich’s heart.

For the other 6.95 pounds needed, you can use his collection of gold and gemstones.

I also vote cat!!

Mary Kate and I put you over the $700 mark last night. For the amusement of our sons, nieces and nephews, we’d like to see you lift the Millennium Falcon. The kids would go crazy for it.

I just pushed you over $900!!! Now I suggest that Beard pick up his PHONE and call his attorney, as we need to start talking about the liability to the face associated with lifting these heavy (and sometimes claw-inclusive) objects.

Staaar Wars, if they shoud bar wars, please let these Star Wars…stay!

I vote Millennium Falcon.

A live chicken…and no clipping the wings!

I also like the cat idea.

Bonus points for Lime Cat.

I got you to 1000 on the nose! Can’t wait to see the lift today!